| If you are
aspiring to strike a career in the Bollywood, be it a director,
script writer or even penning dialogues, this section will be
very helpful to you for it contains the scenes and dialogues
which every film has and you cannot afford to miss it !! |
| Some of the here
may be rather sexist, chauvinistic, supercilious, vapid, racist,
tasteless, offensive and emotionally backward, but we have to be
slightly sober for censorship reasons and cannot show Hindi
films in their full crowning glory |
| MUST SCENES FOR
EVERY FILM |
| Two brothers
separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of
the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new
leaf before the end, bash up the villain , and be pardoned for
all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is
possible only if he has a heroine) |
| If the number of
heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes
/ heroines will die or take off to foreign country at the end of
the movie. |
| If there are 2
heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savegely for at
least 5 minutes |
| Any court scene
will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the
hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained. Else, it will be
overruled. |
| The hero's sister
will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second
hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the first
30 minutes, and commit suicide. |
| In a chase, the
hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart,
or on foot |
| When the hero
fires at the villain(s), he will never miss run out of bullets.
When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless
the hero is required to die) |
| Any fight sequence
shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of pots, barrels,
glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces. |
| Any movie
involving lost+found brothers will have a song sung by the
brothers their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind
in order to regain her sight in the climax) the family dog/cat.
The amazing thing is that these folks remember the song after 20
years in the movie, and you can't remember it 2 minutes after
coming out of the theatre. |
| There will always
be one song in which heroine is scantily dressed and singing in
rain. |
| There will always
be one rape scene |
| HERO |
| The Hero is the
person who gets the woman in the end and kills everyone with
moles on their faces. The hero shaves, drinks, drives,
gesticulates and picks several fights. He normally has a mother
who seldom has a lover. He may have a moustache, but never has a
beard, unless he is in disguise or utter poverty. He delivers
his lines with minimum style, and except for those lines in
which he grimaces, he is totally stone-faced. If the hero has a
comic side to him, he says very little of consequence in the
entire film and does not die in the end. |
| Tere saamne teri
maut khadi hai |
| Kuttay !! |
| Tumhare liye meri
jaan bhi haazir hai |
| Mere paas meri
mari maa ka ashirwad hai. |
| Apne Aaadmiyon se
kaho ki bandookein phhek de |
| Dunyaki koi takat
hame juda nahi kar sakti |
| Mere hotey huay
tumhara koi baal bhi baaka nahin kar sakta |
| Yeh meri maa keh
Kangan hai |
| Maa, mujhe
Ashirwad de |
| Khabardaar joe
Usse haat bhee lagaya |
| Tumne apni ma ka
dudh piya hai to ... |
| Maa main first
class first pass ho gaya hu.... |
| Arre, tum to mere
bicchade huay bhai ho |
| HEROINE |
| The heroine is the
stupidest of all Hindi film characters. She normally settles for
a man with no class, and even lesser money. She is usually a lot
younger and seriously better looking than the hero, even when
the hero is the kind whose insipid persona leaves nothing but
the looks to matter. Her father is either ridiculously rich or
pathetically poor. Any heroine who starts the film in short
skirts ends it in sarees. One who doesn't is the vamp.
|
| Bhagwan ke liye
mujhe chhod do |
| Hato. Tum bade woh
ho |
| Naheen! |
| Mein tumhare
bagair nahin reh sakti |
| Maa ne tumhe ghar
bulaya hai |
| Main usse pyar
karti hoon |
| Humne pyar kiya
hai koi gunah nahin |
| Kuchh goonde mere
pichhe pade hai |
| Baar baar mera
pichha kyon karte ho |
| Koi Dekh Lega
|
| Maine tumhe kya
samjha, aur tum kya nikley! |
| HERO'S SISTER |
| The hero's sister
invariably has her modesty outraged. She seldom lasts beyond a
few scenes and in rarest cases lives to see the end of the film.
If there is ever a poignant scene highlighting the
brother-sister relationship, it is a clear indicator of the
sister's soon to follow death. |
| Mein tumhare
bachhe ki maa ban ne wali hoon |
| Mere bhaiya ko
lambi umar dena, bhagwan |
| Mere bhai pe koi
aanch na aye |
| Khabardar jo mujhe
chhua bhi, main apni jaan dey doongi |
| Bhaiyya, tum mere
liye ek pyaari si bhabhi kab laaonge |
| Main kissi ko muh
dikhane layak nahi rahi |
| Bhagwaan ke liye,
meri suhaag mat ujaado |
| Chhod do mujhe,
bhagwaan ke liye chhod do |
| VILLAIN |
| Undoubtedly, the
villain has the most fun. He nearly gets close to rape the
heroine & beats the hero, & kidnap his family in the climax.
Sometimes he gets the chance to kill them too !!! |
| Tum sign karte ho
ke nahi ? |
| Itni achi cheez
bhagwaan ke liye chod doon. Kabhi nahin |
| Ab Saare Hindustan
par hamara raaz hoga |
| Batao faarmoola
kahan hay? |
| Tumhari maa hamare
kabze main hai |
| Kahan jaa rahi ho
chhamak chhalon |
| In gori gori
kalaiyon ko kaam karne ki kya zaroorat hai |
| Yahan teri izzat
bachane koi nahi ayega |
| Yahan teri cheekh
sunne walah koi nahin |
| Bula tere bhagwan
ko-- dekhta hoon kaun ata hai? |
| Kis maai ke laal
mein itni himmat hai jo mujhse takrayega ? |
| Gaddari ki ek hi
sazaa hoti hai, maut |
| Uski koi kamzori
hogi, koi maa ya behan? |
| VILLAINS
SIDEKICK's |
| The villain's
cronies normally have quite a raw deal. They seldom get the
better women to molest, and even when they do, they have to make
do with sharing one among at least ten. They are always hammered
by the hero and his sidekick, and return to further hammering
from their 'boss' the villain. They are normally dark skinned
(!) have moles, beards and wear handkerchiefs around their
necks. |
| Boss, Maine
tumhara namak khaya hain |
| Boss! Maal pakda
gaya. |
| Tumhe Boss ne
bulaya hain |
| Ok Boss |
| DOCTORS |
| Doctors in Hindi
films are of two kinds, the first is the family/ neighbourhood/
fairy-tale doctor who arrives in slums on rainy midnights to
announce high fever and death, and the second is the
'expensive-beyond-lawful-means' doctor who delivers babies,
cures near-death cases and drives all his billpayers to crime.
|
| Mujh par bharosa
rakhiye |
| I am sorry |
| Iska to bahot
khoon bahey chooka hai. Phoren operation karna padega. |
| Bhagwan ne chaha
to sab thik hoga. |
| Badhai ho, tum
baap bannay waalay ho |
| Iski haalat bahot
najook hai |
| Tumhe sakt aaram
ki jaroorat hai |
| Jaldi se woh
dawayee lao. |
| Ab sabh kuch oopar
waley ke haath mein hain |
| Ab main kuch bhi
nahin kar sakta. |
| Bacche ko to hum
ney bacha liya par maa... |
| THE LAW |
| Contrary to
popular belief, there is in fact a concept of law and order in
Hindi films. Upholders of the law in Hindi films are of two
kinds, the police and the judiciary, quite as it is in real
life. The police pick up thugs and the judges let them off
|
| Order..Order.. |
| Kanoon Ko apney
haath mein mat lo |
| Kanoon jazbaat
nahi, saboot dekhti hai |
| Kanoon ko saboot
chahiye |
| Tazeerat-e-hind ,
dafa 302 ke tahat, mulzim ko maut ki saza sunai jaati hai |
| Mulzim ko Baa
izzat bari kiya jata hai |
| Milord.. |
| HERO /
HEROINE's FATHER |
| The father is
normally a symbol of outright pathos, either cringing to the
worldly demands of having unmarried daughters or the burden of
having a violent son with little ambition beyond rotating around
trees. If the father is an honest, upright citizen - he is shot
in the first few frames by the villain who has little use for
his moralities |
| Ghar mein do
javaan betiyan hain |
| Agar toonay aisa
kiya toh - mujhse burra koi nahin hogaaa |
| Ek baar iske haath
pile kar doon, phir mein chain se mar sakta hoon |
| Is ghar ke
darwaaze, tumhare liye hamesha ke liye band hein |
| Beti to paraya
dhan hai. |
| Mere jeeteji yeh
shaadi nahin ho sakti. |
| Main jald hi dahez
ki sari rakam chuka doonga |
| Yeh aap kya kah
rahen hai, bhai sahib |
| Ab hum kisi ko muh
dikhane ke layak nahin rahe |
| Kya isi din ke
liye tujhe paida kiya tha ? |
| Main kahta hoon,
Door ho jaa meri nazron sey |
| MOTHER |
| Any widow in a
Hindi film is a mother. Anyone marrying a character actor in the
beginning of the film and bearing two children is sure to be
widowed. The sons thereafter are likely to grow up to be the
main protagonists. Sewing machine is her favourite timepass tool
and she will always make halwa for her son. |
| Mera Raja beta
|
| Mera ashirwad sada
tere saath hai. |
| Tujhe ek maa ki
aah lagegi |
| Mera beta aisa
kabhi nahin kar sakta. |
| Mera beta teri
maut bankar aayega, thakur! |
| Ek baar mujhe maa
keh kar pukaro beta... |
| Mere bete ki
raksha karna prabhu |
| Kya apni maa ki
baat nahi maanega? |
| Mera achha beta,
jaldi se dudh peekar bada ho jaa. |
| Is budhi maa ka
tumhare siwa aur kaun hai? |
| Mere Raja bete ko
aaj mein apne haaton se khilaaongi |
| Hey bhagwan, mere
suhaag ki raksha karna |
| Maine tere liye
gajar ka halwa banaya hai |
| Maine tumhe paal
pos kar bada kiya.. |
| Mar, Mar isse
betay, isse ne tere Devata jaise pita ka khoon kiya |
| MOTHER-IN-LAW |
| The most nasal
voice in the cast belongs to the mother-in-law. She has usually
got a dead husband, or one who gives 'henpecked' new dimensions.
She specialises in kicking the heroine / hero's sister / bhabhi
while she is sweeping the floor. She seldom dies, but always
gets her come-uppance in the end when her husband, after years
of ayurveda and yoga regains his lost vitality, insults her in
public and forces her into submission. |
| Chudeil! Kide pade
tere ..... |
| Tere baap ke bheje
huey iss sari ka too kya karegi. Chal, mujhe dey |
| Ey Chudail, ab
kaha se mooh kala karke aayee hain? |
| Aah Haa Haa,
Maharani, waha baithey baithey kya kar rahi hain |
| Arri Kalmoohi,
Kaha mar gayi |
| Eh Kulta, tere
baap ne ab tak dahej ki rakam nahin chukayi |
